In this blog, I will let you peek into what it is like to be in an INTJ female x INFP male relationship through the lens of an INFP. I will give you a detailed analysis of the pros and cons and paint you a picture of our daily interactions.

Just remember, the following pros, cons, and daily interaction does not represent every INFP and INTJ couple. I am simply telling you my side of the story!

6 Pros and Cons of an INTJ and INFP Relationship

Every relationship has its pros and cons. It’s important to be able to recognize and appreciate the benefits of the relationship, as well as acknowledge and manage the potential problems.

Four INFP - INTJ benefits:

Let's delve into the enriching experiences that this relationship brings, highlighting the ways we mutually grow, the meaningful conversations we share, and the respect we have for each other's need for solitude.

• Easy communication process: We both know that the key to a healthy and well-rounded relationship is communication. We do not hesitate to tell each other our concerns.
• Long, insightful conversations: We both are philosophy and psychology nerds. Even if it is just a day-to-day conversation, it could turn into a debate about our existence's nature.
• Growth for both parties: As an INFP, I could observe the awkwardness of my INTJ when processing her emotions. Being a selfless person, I could help her embrace her feelings and gain joy from helping her out. On the other hand, I have grown a lot through observing my partner's comprehensive and logical thinking.
• Low maintenance: I enjoy being alone too much. Even if I am in a committed relationship, there are times when I want to be left alone. My partner respects boundaries; she respects my eagerness to be alone and gives me all the time and space I need.

Related: Tips for dating an INTJ

Two INFP and INTJ relationship problems:

As with any relationship, we've faced our share of challenges. From the silence that sometimes creeps into our communication, to our tendency to retreat into our shared bubble, there are certain hurdles we continually navigate.

• INTJs hold back their thoughts frequently: As most of you may know, INTJs sometimes hold back on what they are thinking and fall into complete silence as they struggle to process them. My INTJ does that, too; she becomes reticent whenever she falls into her feelings.
• You both get too lazy to have a social life: Both being introverts, sometimes we both will consider all the social interaction we need is with each other. Hence, we tend to ignore our friends and family when we are with each other.

The Day-to-Day Interactions of an INTJ - INFP Couple

Before getting into the actual day-to-day interactions, I want to provide some context about how we met.

How my girlfriend and I met is a modern love story. I saw this beautiful girl on the dating app. We talked two weeks online and realized we were in the same class at the time. So we started hanging out outside of class, and our relationship started developing from there.

Starting the day: Respecting personal space

Our daily interactions start with us completing our respective responsibilities by working in separate spaces. We enjoy each other's company too much and would distract ourselves from our task if the other person was present. We respect each other's personal space during this period and would not bother the other person for feeble matters. This approach is optimal because it satisfies both our needs to be alone while enabling us to appreciate each other's company more.

This brings me to a great benefit that comes with dating an INTJ: They are very low-maintenance. Being an INFP means that I need a lot of alone time to organize my internal thoughts and emotions throughout the day. Dating an INTJ allows me to have all the space I need. Whenever I inform my partner about my eagerness to be alone, she always gives me room to be with my thoughts. Then, she comes back after a certain amount of time to discuss potential solutions to internal conflicts.

INTJs are great problem solvers, and INFPs could benefit immensely from their problem-solving ability. To be completely honest, dating an INTJ for a year has taught me more about problem-solving than attending a 4-year, world-renowned college program.

End of the day: Quality time and conversation

At the end of a long day, we would long for each other's attention and care, and this emotion goes both ways. Sometimes, we do not even talk about how hard each other's day has been; We would lay together, and I would brush my fingers through her hair while I held her closely in my arms. When immersed in this moment, it feels like no other thing in the world would bring me as much joy as the companionship of each other.

The conversations are also an aspect I cherish in this relationship. I had relationships before where conversations became stale after merely two months. But now, after being with my partner for two years, we could still talk for hours on end. Our chat is often insightful, philosophical, and whimsical. We talk about everything; literally, every aspect and tiny detail in life could turn into a discussion.

The endless topics stem from our creativity and spontaneity; we often jump from one topic to another because we can identify the remote connections between subjects. For example, we could start by talking about how our avocado plant is thriving, then transition to talk about how everything in nature works in mysterious ways. From the insights of these discussions, we were able to benefit from each other's perspectives and continue to grow as complete human beings.

Day-to-day challenges: Communication differences

So far, I have only examined the positive elements in my relationship; now, it is time to take a glimpse of the issues we have encountered.

The first thing I want to mention is I sometimes struggle to apprehend INTJ's dark and cynical humor. In my defense, my partner's tone and delivery sometimes make it hard for me to distinguish if she is joking or not. But in general, whenever she expresses a dark and messed-up thought she has, it is hard for me to consider it a joke. My first reaction upon hearing those jokes is trying to get to the bottom of those ideas. Afterward, I would realize my efforts were futile because she did not mean those things seriously.

INTJs are terrible at expressing their emotions, and as an INFP, It is excruciating sometimes to see her be alone with her feelings. As many of you may know, INTJs and emotions do not go well together. When processing emotions, my partner becomes reserved, and regardless of how hard I try to reach her during that period, she does not respond. It takes time and effort to help INTJs be at ease with their emotions. (since they do not have much, any emotional upheaval is difficult for them to deal with.) They struggle to comprehend their feelings and suck at expressing them. It took me almost a year to convince my partner that she is in a safe space when talking about her feelings with me.

Two introverts together: Maintaining social connections

The biggest obstacle we have encountered in our relationship is we both neglect our social life when cohabitating. I moved in with my partner this January; since then, I rarely talk to my friends. Even worse, I did not hang out with any of them, even if they were only a 10-minute uber ride away from me. In our defense, we had just moved to a new city and had little friends to hang out with. But that is not an excuse for us not to try to meet new people and have an aspect in our life to separate ourselves from this relationship as individuals.

This obstacle has taken a toll on our relationship. Both being introverts that do not enjoy human interactions, sometimes we will think all the interaction we need is with each other. As time went by, we gradually grew tired of each other's company and started having fights about things that did not matter. In the end, we both agreed that the best thing for both of us and our relationship is that I go back to my apartment and have a period of separation. While getting used to the other person not being around sucks, we took a look at the relationship from another perspective and realized how much we both appreciate each other.

The INTJ - INFP attraction is undeniable. I love how we are still able to have conversations all night long after two years. I love how we can give each other space and respect boundaries. I love how we can both learn from each other's strengths and apply them to our weaknesses.

While we had some problems maintaining this relationship, such as minor communication issues and neglecting our social life, it does not hinder the fact that this is the best relationship I have ever had. What I have felt and learned from this relationship has surpassed all my previous relationships combined. I am so thankful to my partner, and I hope what I have written in the blog could benefit all the INFPs and INTJs out there!

Curious about other love stories? You can check out these interviews as well! ENFJ - ISTJ Love Story // ISFJ - INFP Love Story // ENTJ - INFP Love Story // ENTP - INFJ Love Story // ENFJ - ENTJ Love Story // ENFJ - INFP Love Story // INFJ - ISTP Love Story // ENFP - INFJ Love Story // INFP - ISFP Love Story // ESFJ - ESFJ Love Story