Who is the best match for ENFJ and ENTJ? What is an ENFJ - ENTJ relationship like? Are ENFJ and ENTJ compatible? Here we take an in-depth look at ENFJ and ENTJ personality types, through the lens of one couple’s love story.

Boo Love Stories is a series that highlights relationship dynamics between personality types. We hope others’ experiences can help you to navigate your own relationships and journey in finding love.

This story is from Kaylee, a 24-year old ENFJ, & Vinny, a 25-year old ENTJ. Read on to find out more!

Their Story: The Hero (ENFJ) x The Commander (ENTJ)

Derek: How old are you guys?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I’m 24

Vinny (ENTJ): I’m 25

Derek: How long have you guys been together?

Kaylee (ENFJ): We've been together for a little bit over a year. We just celebrated on the first of January. It was like a new year's, “Hey, will you be my girlfriend” type of thing.

Derek: How did you guys meet?

Kaylee (ENFJ): Well, he messaged me on Instagram, and we just kind of had a conversation and ended up meeting up after that.

Vinny (ENTJ): It was a slide into the DM's type deal.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Yeah, and then we realized we only lived a couple of miles away from each other. It was so crazy.

Kaylee (ENFJ): I had a feeling that he found me on a dating app and then added me, but he won’t admit it.

Derek: I was going to ask how did you find her Instagram? Was it recommended on the page? Was it like, "Wow, this girl looks really great I'm going to message her?”

Kaylee (ENFJ): Are you going to admit that it was a dating app?

Vinny (ENTJ): I mean, it was random. I found her on the Instagram geotag.

Derek: What was your first message to her?

Vinny (ENTJ): My first message was responding to one of her posts.

Kaylee (ENFJ): He sent a reaction to my story. It was really boring. It was a fire emoji, and I liked it. And he sent a “hey” after that.

Derek: What a pick-up line.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Right? Very easy to start a conversation with.

The Dating Phase: How Did You Start Seeing Each Other?

Kaylee (ENFJ): We realized that since we lived so close and we had the same spot that we liked to go to for breakfast (home state). And so, we had a little breakfast date for the first meetup.

Derek: So, I guess you were completely responsive the whole time when he messaged on Instagram? You were both really into it?

Kaylee (ENFJ): Oh no, at first, I didn’t really respond. He would react to my stuff and I would be like okay. He’s super dry to talk to, but one time I was in a good mood and actually responded with enthusiasm and realized he was interesting.

Derek: What did he say that was interesting?

Kaylee (ENFJ): He was talking about the home state tacos because I had posted it on my story, and he said we should go sometimes. And I was like, “Okay… free tacos, why not?”

Derek: I feel like that’s a theme with ENFJs. One thing they are very enthusiastic about is food.

Vinny (ENTJ): Who doesn’t like food though?

Derek: You can like food, but you can like food. If you know what I mean.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Oh yeah, I’d rather spend good money on food than going shopping. I’d rather have good food in my fridge than have a new bag.

Derek: Right.

Derek: So, what was that first date like?

Kaylee (ENFJ): It was really casual, chill, and easy.

Derek: How so?

Kaylee (ENFJ): It was easy to talk to him and it wasn’t hard to carry the conversation. Sometimes you have to force conversations with people, and you struggle to find something else to talk about. It’s like squeezing a lemon that’s not ripe yet.

Vinny (ENTJ): Things just flowed naturally. We figured out that we had a lot in common during the date.

Kaylee (ENFJ): We are both the oldest child in our family, so we have that oldest child mentality. I’m from the Fresno area of California and he was born in Texas, and since we grew up in a conservative value type of area, although I don’t fit in those anymore, we just figured that we had a lot of moral values that were the same.

Derek: Like what?

Kaylee (ENFJ): We both were raised Christian and both have strong family ties. Family is very important to us and being able to spend quality time with them is important.

Vinny (ENTJ): She has 3 younger sisters that she’s really close to.

Kaylee (ENFJ): And we both love dogs. My family has tons of dogs, so you have to be a dog person for me to get along with you.

Derek: So, I guess you guys really hit it off on that first date.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Mhm.

Vinny (ENTJ): Yeah, I didn’t think she would be so cool. I thought she would be bitchy based on her Instagram.

Derek: Why is that? Because of the fear of being ghosted?

Vinny (ENTJ): Well that played a part.

Derek: I’m really curious what your Instagram looks like now.

Kaylee (ENFJ): I actually deleted my Instagram and remade one. I tried to do a cleanse where I got rid of social media and stuff but upon being with Vinny and starting a YouTube channel, I had to bring everything back. I made a new TikTok, Instagram, etc. It’s a lot of hard work. It sucks people in.

Derek: Would you say you guys are typically the type you have dated in the past? Or did you typically have a type that you would date in the past before you met each other?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I don’t think so. I don’t really have a type; I more so go out for the vibe of the person because, in reality, we are all going to get old and wrinkly and not very cute in the future. So, you really have to like the personality of the person rather than the looks.

Derek: How about you Vinny?

Vinny (ENTJ): I don’t know. I’ve always ended up with Latinas.

Derek: So, I guess personality-wise, you didn’t really have a preference. Did you date more extroverts or introverts in the past?

Vinny (ENTJ): I would say mostly extroverts in the past.

Derek: Would you say the same as well, Kaylee?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I feel like I’ve honestly dated both. Well – I’m a Leo, so I also like to shine. I dated both, but more introverts, I guess.

Kaylee (ENFJ): I like that he can help me with making decisions because I can be very indecisive over the smallest things. For example, smells of candles. We’ll be at HomeGoods and I’ll have trouble choosing between 3 candles and he will help me. Even with bigger life decisions, he helps me out with that. It’s just nice to have someone who cares for me like that.

Derek: That’s awesome. What would you say, Vinny? What do you like the most about Kaylee?

Vinny (ENTJ): I’d say, her ambition. She has a lot of things that she wants to do. She makes jewelry and wants to start her own jewelry business.

Derek: Interesting, what strengths do you love in each other?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I like that he is really tidy because I tend to leave messes. I have ADHD and he puts up with that really well. I really appreciate that about him.

Vinny (ENTJ): Another thing I like about her is how organized she is. She likes to have everything in order.

Kaylee (ENFJ): That sounds so contradictory to what I said haha. I’m organized with some things but I’m not tidy when it comes to stuff that I carry around places. I guess what he is trying to say is that I’m more of a planner and he’s more of a doer.

Derek: That’s very common. ENTJs are very action-oriented but at the same time, you both share preferences for planning. Many ENTJs and ENFJs often end up in relationships with people who are not judgers in the MBTI system – basically, they don’t like planning and tend to leave things open-ended. And that can often be a huge point of tension, but being in a relationship with another Judger, you sort of have this awesome shared preference of being on top of what you are doing.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Yeah.

Vinny (ENTJ): Exactly.

Kaylee (ENFJ): It’s like he wants to plan but he doesn’t know how to. So, I do the planning and let him take care of the rest.

Vinny (ENTJ): It’s much appreciated.

Kaylee (ENFJ): So, it works well.

The Ups and Downs: What Are the Biggest Challenges You Face in Your Relationship?

Kaylee (ENFJ): Oh, um. I kind of want to hear what Vinny has to say.

Vinny (ENTJ): I don’t really know. We haven’t really had many disagreements.

Kaylee (ENFJ): We haven’t had that many disagreements, but the thing is … I would say that he isn’t outspoken enough. For example, I’ll ask him something and he’ll give me an answer, but he’s unsure of it. Or he’ll just go along with what I say.

Derek: So, you really want to know what he feels underneath.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Yeah, I guess just giving more feedback. I feel like he's a little bit afraid of creating tension. If he does give feedback, you know?

Derek: Interesting. Would you agree with that Vinny?

Vinny (ENTJ): I feel like it's more of just me not giving a f*ck.

Kaylee (ENFJ): He told me he's just thinking, just thinking.

Vinny (ENTJ): Yeah, I just don't care. It's me not caring.

Derek: Like when you're being asked which of these three scented candles you would prefer?

Vinny (ENTJ): Pretty much like that. I don't really care because I'm fine with whatever. It depends on the topic but like – candles? It's not a big deal to me, so it's whatever.

Derek: Yeah, there's a thing about ENFJs, more than ENTJ's, they really need words of affirmation. So, I don't know if you guys are familiar with love languages, but ENFJs need more to hear how you actually feel about something, especially appreciation and positive words of encouragement. They like deep conversations and knowing absolutely what you think and how you feel, like going very deep into that. So, it's probably something that you guys will realize if you haven't already. But, what you're describing seems to be in line with that.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Yeah, it's OK. But I feel like with my personality I like to make sure everything is going smoothly, and I can't make sure everything is going smoothly if I don't know everything that is going on. Yeah, I don't know.

Vinny (ENTJ): One thing for me, like a lot of times, is I feel like she overthinks a lot.

Kaylee (ENFJ): I do.

Derek: Is it just about candles or…?

Kaylee (ENFJ): No, I overthink about a lot of things.

Vinny (ENTJ): Just about things in general, it can be anything.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Even with my logo for my jewelry brand. I finished and made my logo, and it’s a good logo, but I’ve decided that I like it, but I don’t love it. So, I’m going to make a whole new logo. That’s why I like having Vinny help out with the decision-making person.

Derek: I think the way you describe Vinny; it almost sounds like he is an introvert.

Kaylee (ENFJ): It’s like he is dual-sided. It’s like he’s an extrovert and an introvert. Maybe that’s why we’re together because he is both. It’s the balance perhaps. Yeah, I mean he is extroverted when it comes to social media, but in real life, he is more introverted.

Better Together: How Have You Grown Since Being Together?

Kaylee (ENFJ): That’s a good reflection question.

Vinny (ENTJ): I’d say she complements a lot of things that I lack, especially organization and planning.

Kaylee (ENFJ): I would say that I’ve gained patience or improved my patience.

Derek: How so?

Kaylee (ENFJ): If you feel like someone’s not expressing themselves all the way it kind of drives you crazy sometimes, not knowing how to make someone feel better. I guess I’m a people pleaser and not knowing if your goal in pleasing someone is working is frustrating. Basically, I’ve improved my patience and started to trust what he says – as in trying not to overthink and look for a meaning that is not there. Like if he says he’s fine, then he is really fine.

Derek: How would you say you guys have gone around some of these problems? What solutions have you come up with to alleviate some of these issues? Would it be just letting it go and trusting in each other?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I mean obviously you can’t do that off the bat, like flip a switch. We communicate to each other and explain how this makes us feel and we listen to each other. Of course, there are times when we get upset and we take space away from each other. I guess that’s how we deal with it. We take space from each other and once we cool down, we talk to each other.

Vinny (ENTJ): Yeah, and I’m the type of person who wants to deal with situations as soon as it happens, but I realize that it’s not always like that. So I’ve become pretty patient with that.

Derek: So, Kaylee is the one who probably wants to settle before going at it directly?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I feel like that’s just the best thing really, because in all honestly, I have a really strong tongue and say some really rude things when emotions are heightened.

Derek: Interestingly, you guys describe one person as a doer and one person as a planner, but each describing each other as slightly organized. I feel like typically in the ENTJ and ENFJ relationships, usually there is a point of conflict about wanting control. Both types tend to like doing things their own way. Sometimes, you appreciate each other's effectiveness and organization, but at the same time, you sometimes feel like you have to let the other person steer the wheel. Does it ever sometimes feel like that?

Kaylee (ENFJ): I mean, I kind of feel like sitting here and hearing you explain that I feel like me getting upset about him not fully expressing himself is indicative of me lacking control because I don't know how to control the situation. But that sounds very familiar like we will be talking about what we want for dinner and he's like, “I want Thai” and I'm like, “Okay, well, I was already driving in the direction for Chinese food” so we have a little tiff over that, but it's just little things here and there. That more so when we've had a long day or when one of us has had a long day and we're at the end of our rope.

Derek: These things usually come out when both people are very tired or there's some sort of pressure, right?

Kaylee (ENFJ): Oh, yeah. When I'm stressed out or if I'm having a stressful day. Just try to give a heads up and avoid something like that.

Derek: What advice would you have for other ENTJs and ENFJs in a relationship with one another?

Kaylee (ENFJ): Oh, um, I guess patience and just really trying to communicate and to trust what they say because sometimes, as he said, I overthink things.

Vinny (ENTJ): So just talking about things with each other and express how you’re feeling to one another.

Kaylee (ENFJ): Yes, but not when you're super-duper angry, but once you've calmed down.

Closing Remarks and Advice from Boo

In the realm of ENFJ - ENTJ relationships, a unique dynamic is born from shared extroversion and a mutual pursuit of growth and achievement. While the ENFJ brings empathy and harmony, balancing the ENTJ's analytical logic, the ENTJ gives back practical strategies to ground the ENFJ's ideals. This symbiotic relationship, marked by mutual ambition and decision-making, is a dance of strengths and challenges that can foster a tidy and profound connection, underpinned by understanding and respect. As Kaylee and Vinny demonstrate, embracing the journey, fostering communication, and understanding each other's needs are key to enriching your shared narrative.

If you’re new to understanding MBTI compatibility and looking for an ultimate guide, you can read about the Boo algorithm, and take our personality test to find out which of the 16 personality types you are. And if you have any lingering doubts about the MBTI, you can read Why the MBTI is unfairly criticized. It's time to finally end the debate.

We wish Kaylee and Vinny a wonderful and lasting relationship together. If you're in a relationship and would like to share your love story, send us an email at hello@boo.world. If you're single, you can download Boo for free and embark now on your own love journey.

Curious about other love stories? You can check out these interviews as well! ENTP - INFJ Love Story // ENTJ - INFP Love Story // ISFJ - INFP Love Story // ENFJ - ISTJ Love Story // INFJ - ISTP Love Story // ENFP - INFJ Love Story // INFP - ISFP Love Story // ESFJ - ESFJ Love Story // ENFJ - INFP Love Story