What is an INFJ - ISTP relationship like? Are INFJ and ISTP compatible? Read on to find out.

Boo Love Stories is a series that highlights stories about how two personality types came to love and be together, with both the best of the relationship as well as the difficulties that arise from such a pairing. We hope others’ stories, perspectives, and experiences can help you to navigate your own relationships and journey in finding love.

Alana’s (INFJ) and David’s (ISTP) love story is one that defies the stereotypes that Intuitives and Sensors shouldn’t be together. And like many love stories, theirs show us how different personality types can succeed together, as long as they are committed to understanding and appreciating each other’s differences.

How Did You Two Meet? Tell Us the Story

Alana (INFJ): One afternoon when I went out to check the mailbox I heard the most heavenly voice floating across the street. And then when I opened the mailbox I saw a flyer about a band called Giffen who were holding a backyard music session just across the road. I could have easily missed this had I not gone to the mailbox at exactly that time. And I couldn't believe my luck because it was there [at the concert] that I met Marie. And Marie was the one who introduced me to David, a lovely guy from Colombia who became my next housemate.

David was the happiest guy I had ever met. One afternoon while I was at work he decided to clean the kitchen. And I mean, clean the kitchen. I found him on the afternoon in question with bright yellow gloves working on the kitchen bench which was all soaped up to within an inch of its life. The best part of all was when he looked up with the biggest smile on his face. After all the chronic cleaning challenges I went through with my previous housemate, I felt as if I had died and gone to heaven.

Derek: I can attest to ISTPs being very chill, friendly, easygoing, and show their appreciation by performing acts of service, like cleaning or chores, oftentimes things that INFJs would find emotionally tiring.

Alana (INFJ): David is very affectionate, takes me out for dinners and breakfasts, helps me with cleaning at home, took me to Colombia to meet his family.

How Did You Guys End Up Getting Together?

Alana: As the weeks turned into months David and I built a strong friendship. He told me that he was amazed by my entrepreneurial spirit. We did lovely things together such as going on bike rides and taking walks along the beachfront. He even took me to dinner at a beautiful Thai restaurant one night because he was so appreciative of the support I had given him.

While this was going on, I started to notice a problem with my eyes. I could actually feel my eyes rolling back into my head on my cycle home from work one day. It was hard to keep them focused on the road in front of me. Initially I thought it was just an eye issue so I organized to see an optometrist. She suggested that the problem was that my eyes were dry, so she gave me eye drops and sent me on my way. Needless to say, the eye drops didn't fix the problem. Then on a Monday morning when I was in a team meeting at work I felt my eyes roll back into my head. I applied pressure to my eyes with the palms of my hands and my sight came back momentarily. But my eyes rolled back again.

David headed straight to my doctor's surgery so that he could walk me home when he heard what had happened. He literally led the way and let me see through his eyes. When we got home, I laid on the couch with my eyes still rolling back into my head while David leaned over to place a sweet kiss on each of my eyelids. And then he moved on and gently kissed me on the lips.

I didn't know what to think at first. I wondered how a housemate could turn into something more. But this wasn't something that I needed to think about because the more time we spent with each other, the more inseparable we became.

Not long after that first kiss David moved into my room and we found a new housemate for the room that David used to have.

Derek: That’s touching. I can imagine how moved you must have been during your time of need when David was there for you. So you started off as friends before taking the relationship to the next level?

Alana (INFJ): Yes, initially we were just friends. We spent a lot of time with each other on what I can now look back on as dates, but I just saw him as a friendly guy at the time, and it wasn’t until he told me on messages that he wanted to be my man that I considered a relationship with him.

Derek: That’s cute. It seemed like you two were going on what would seem like dates, like walks on the beachfront, bike rides together, before it was clear it was romantically motivated. As an introvert, and a typically passive personality, David was probably going out of his comfort zone in pursuing you! Or he really likes you. Was it from when he helped you home and kissed you that you started to see each other romantically?

Alana (INFJ): Yes, from that day we grew our relationship. David had already begun messaging me a lot and even went so far as he wishing he were taller so I would consider him my man (he is a tiny bit shorter than me) .

Derek: What was David like in the dating phase? Did you do most of the pursuing or did he? What kind of dates did you go on?

Alana (INFJ): David was, and still is, the sweetest guy. He took me out to a beautiful Thai restaurant as what can now been seen as a date. We continued to go for walks, coffees and breakfast at the local cafe in the dating phase. We didn’t date for long because we made our relationship official pretty quickly as we were living together. Not long after he kissed me, we decided to live in the same room and get a housemate for his old room.

Derek: How has being with David (ISTP) changed your own view on relationships or what it means to love someone? What has changed about you since being with David?

Alana (INFJ): My view on relationships changed in that I realized when I need to make a decision that affects both of us, I need to ensure he is 100% in agreement before going ahead. This realization has reflected positively into my work life as well. I’ve become more giving and loving. Just last weekend to celebrate my apartment, I organized a surprise dinner for David (ISTP)’s family of 9 to enjoy in Colombia. They video-called us while they were having dinner in Colombia and my family and I were having lunch in Australia - the first time our parents “met”. The language gap between English and Spanish was no barrier to the connection. I would have never have done something so giving before I met David.

Derek: What do you love most about David (ISTP)?

Alana (INFJ): I love David's (ISTP) good heart and his generosity. He is so giving with his time and treats everyone with respect. He is also very family-oriented and would do anything for his family. In fact, he is over in Colombia as we speak, to be with his family while the coronavirus is happening. He is so trusting, with such a sweet nature. He has taught me many things, including how to be more generous with my time and closer to my family. I spent 5.5 weeks in Colombia with his family in December / January 2019, and it was the most lovely weeks of my life. Never had I felt so welcomed. When we arrived in Bogota, Colombia at 3am, all his family was there at the airport to welcome us. None of them speak English, but they had made a sign in English which read "Welcome to Colombia Alana". I cried tears of happiness.

In return, David loves that I am a good person. He loves my entrepreneurial spirit, and has seen me set up a private coaching business to work with clients on their mental health, and this is in addition to my day job at a Big 4 Australian bank.

Derek: It's kind of surprising that an ISTP would be more family-oriented and generous with their time than an INFJ would. It sort of goes against the perceived stereotypes people have of these personality types. People normally would assume the INFJ is the caring partner who has their family's and other's needs top of mind, and the ISTP is the one to only want to contact or talk occasionally, preferring passively to do their own thing most of the time. Maybe it has something to do with Colombian culture and emphasis on family?

Alana (INFJ): You are right there with the Colombian culture being a very big influence, they always do things together as a group. Everything together. David, when in Australia, would speak to his family every day, and they are very close. Other than his family, he doesn’t tend to hang out with friends that often. He likes to spend his time reading about businesses. We really don’t have people over very often, we spend most of our time either at work, together or alone when we feel to. I would say we are both very independent.

Derek: Besides being family-oriented, what are 3 other amazing qualities or traits you appreciate about David (ISTP)? What are some short examples of these qualities in your daily life?

Alana (INFJ): 1. Genuine nature 2. Kind heart 3. Happy and content. David (ISTP) is so sweet, and our relationship is like that too. His genuine nature comes through in that he is always willing to help me with my projects. For example, when I did the coffee business, he helped me move my equipment. His kind heart shows he is always thinking of me, he will often bring home surprise treats when doing the groceries. He is happy and content - the happiest guy I know.

Derek: I can see David expressing himself in that way. A lot of ISTPs rank gift-giving very highly as part of their love languages, i.e. the way they give and feel love. What do you find most challenging about being with one another?

Alana (INFJ): At the moment, definitely the COVID situation, which means we have been apart for some months. There are no international flights out of Colombia, so he cannot return to Australia for a few months more. We message on WhatsApp every day, so we still feel connected.

What are Your Points of Tension in the Relationship?

Alana (INFJ): We are both very independent, and David (ISTP), with his strong mind, does what he wants.

Derek: What do you mean by independent? Like disappearing socially for days and coming out to connect weeks later (like the ISTPs I know)? And how does that conflict with what you usually want?

Alana (INFJ): David (ISTP) makes up his own mind. He doesn’t disappear at all, it’s not like that. More like, if he wants to make an investment, he might ask my opinion, but as I am more risk-averse, I often don’t align with his view and he does what he thinks is right.

Derek: How do you make the relationship work?

Alana (INFJ): We are together but we live independent lives. We are not needy or clingy with each other. We are affectionate, but not sappy. We give each other space and encourage each other to pursue their goals in business/career.

Derek: With David (ISTP) not by your side at the moment, what are the most noticeable things that you see are missing in your daily life that he fills?

Alana (INFJ): Aw gosh, I miss his hugs. I miss his companionship. I miss how we would have a healthy dinner that I cooked for us and how much he would appreciate it. I miss him a lot.

Advice from Boo

Alana’s (INFJ) and David’s (ISTP) relationship is in many ways emblematic of an INFJ - ISTP relationship. Theirs is the familiar story of the cheerful and easygoing, logical-thinking man who woos the idealistic, gentle and caring, Feeling woman through his actions and daily acts of service and appreciation. While the INFJ provides warmth and emotional understanding in the relationship, helping the ISTP to get in touch with their feelings, the ISTP helps the INFJ by taking care of their daily needs and helping them to enjoy life and live in the present more. They complete each other by being everything each other are not.

But at the same time, they challenge the stereotypes of what it means to be an INFJ and ISTP, and have learned to compromise and grow together. On one hand, Alana (INFJ) is ambitious and entrepreneurial, while David (ISTP) is deeply engaged and committed to being emotionally available to his family. Despite not being frequently quoted as the ideal pairing, the INFJ - ISTP pairing is one we have found to be quite common.

Similarities and Differences Between ISTPs and INFJs

The dance between ISTPs and INFJs is a fascinating exploration of contrasts and connections. From the inner workings of their minds to the ways they communicate and cope with life's complexities, there's a wealth of understanding waiting to be uncovered. As we delve into the cognitive functions, communication strategies, conflict resolution, adaptation to change, stress management, and encouragement tactics, we'll discover how these two personality types can build bridges rather than barriers. Join us in this journey as we unravel the similarities and differences that make ISTPs and INFJs both distinct and complementary, providing insights that can enhance relationships, foster empathy, and inspire growth.

The cognitive functions of INFJs and ISTPs

An INFJ's cognitive function stack generally consists of:

• Dominant Ni (Introverted Intuition): The INFJ’s Ni acts like an inner compass, guiding them toward what feels "right" or "meant to be." They're not just foreseeing events but are also looking for underlying patterns and meanings in life.

• Auxiliary Fe (Extraverted Feeling): INFJs are emotionally tuned in, not just to themselves but to the group or community around them. They often prioritize collective well-being and harmony, even if it comes at some personal cost.

• Tertiary Ti (Introverted Thinking): While the INFJ is usually people-oriented, their Ti helps them step back and assess situations objectively. It's the troubleshooting tool they whip out when they need to solve a problem or make sense of complex issues.

• Inferior Se (Extraverted Sensing): For INFJs, Se is a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand, it helps them appreciate the present moment, beauty, or a good meal. On the other, it can make them hypersensitive to chaotic environments or overwhelming situations.

ISTP’s cognitive function stack is generally:

• Dominant Ti (Introverted Thinking): ISTPs are problem-solvers at their core, dissecting problems to find practical solutions. They're the folks who will probably have the toolkit to fix a leaky faucet or understand the ins and outs of a complex system.

• Auxiliary Se (Extraverted Sensing): This function makes ISTPs incredibly aware of their surroundings. Whether it’s the details of a landscape or the mechanics of how something works, they're tuned in and often hands-on.

• Tertiary Ni (Introverted Intuition): While not as developed as in the INFJ, the ISTP’s Ni still gives them flashes of insight about what’s likely to happen next or how things are interconnected. It’s like a gut feeling they don’t fully trust but often find useful.

• Inferior Fe (Extraverted Feeling): ISTPs aren't naturally attuned to collective emotional currents, but their Fe can make them surprisingly sensitive in one-on-one situations. It’s the function they use to gauge if someone's upset or if the room's vibe is off.

Interaction between INFJ and ISTP cognitive functions

Interestingly, INFJs and ISTPs share the same functions but in a different order. This means that they can "speak the same language" but often with different accents or dialects, so to speak. For example, while both types value logic (Ti), an INFJ might use it to analyze human behavior, whereas an ISTP might apply it to solve a mechanical problem. Similarly, both types have insights into future outcomes (Ni), but the INFJ often ties this to people and values, whereas the ISTP might link it to immediate practical concerns.

In conversations and interactions, INFJs and ISTPs can provide unique perspectives to each other, challenging each other to look at the same issue from both a deeply intuitive and starkly practical angle. When they get together, it's like seeing the world through a kaleidoscope—different patterns and colors emerging, yet all part of the same view.

Communication between INFJs and ISTPs

When it comes to communication, INFJs and ISTPs have very different approaches. For the INFJ, communication is all about understanding the other person and trying to find common ground. They are interested in the deeper meaning behind what people say and often look for ways to connect with others on a deeper level. On the other hand, ISTPs are more interested in the surface-level details of what is being said. They like to get to the bottom of things and are often very direct in their communication style. This can be a bit off-putting for the INFJ, who is more accustomed to a more gentle approach.

One way that these two types can bridge the communication gap is by taking the time to understand each other's communication styles. The INFJ should try to be more direct and to the point in their communication, while the ISTP should try to be more understanding and patient with the INFJ's more roundabout way of communicating. With a little effort, these two types can find a way to communicate effectively with each other.

Resolving conflicts between ISTPs and INFJs

INFJs and ISTPs can find common ground by working together to find creative solutions to problems. Both types are flexible enough to consider different perspectives and come up with out-of-the-box ideas. However, it's important for INFJs to be clear about their needs and expectations, as ISTPs may not pick up on subtle hints. Likewise, ISTPs should avoid being too blunt or direct, as this can hurt the INFJ's feelings.

If there is a conflict between an INFJ and an ISTP, it is likely due to the fact that they are two very different types. The INFJ is a feeler who makes decisions based on emotion, while the ISTP is a thinker who relies on logic. The INFJ may see the ISTP as insensitive and uncaring, while the ISTP may view the INFJ as over-emotional and irrational. However, these two types can actually complement each other quite well.

INFJs are gifted at reading people and understanding their emotions. They can use this knowledge to help the ISTP see both sides of a situation and find common ground. The ISTP, on the other hand, is good at looking at a problem from a logical perspective. This can help the INFJ to see things more clearly and make more objective decisions.

If these two types can learn to communicate and appreciate each other's strengths, they can resolve any conflict that may arise.

How INFJ and ISTP deal with change

One of the most difficult things for an INFJ to deal with is change. This is because they are so used to having everything in their lives be a certain way. They like routine and predictability, and when something disrupts that, it can be very hard for them to cope. ISTPs, on the other hand, are much more comfortable with change. They are flexible and adaptable, and they don't mind when things are a little bit unpredictable. This can be a good thing for an INFJ, because it means they can learn to deal with change better if they are around an ISTP. It can also be a challenge, because the INFJ will need to learn to let go of some of their control in order to allow the ISTP to help them.

Managing stress between INFJs and ISTPs

These two types are very different when it comes to managing stress. The INFJ is generally more in tune with their emotions and therefore is better able to manage stress on an emotional level. They are also more likely to take time for themselves and do things that they enjoy in order to relieve stress. The ISTP, on the other hand, is more likely to bottle up their emotions and not deal with them in a healthy way. This can lead to them being more stressed out and less able to cope with stressors in their life.

It is important for the INFJ to be understanding of the ISTP's need to bottle up their emotions and not try to force them to deal with their stress in the same way that they do. The INFJ should provide emotional support and understanding, while also respecting the ISTP's need for space and independence. The ISTP should also try to be more aware of their own emotions and how they are affecting their stress levels. If they can learn to deal with their emotions in a healthy way, it will help them to cope with stressors in their life more effectively.

Together, these two types can balance each other out and help each other to manage stress in a more healthy and effective way.

How INFJs and ISTPs encourage and motivate each other

The ISTP is often drawn to the INFJ's quiet strength and conviction. The INFJ may be able to provide the ISTP with a sense of stability and purpose that they crave, while the ISTP can help the INFJ to loosen up and enjoy life more. This relationship can be a source of great encouragement and motivation for both partners.

Is an INFJ - ISTP Relationship Compatible?

Although the Boo Algorithm may not recommend these two types there is a great possibility that these types can truly be compatible with each other. In general, ISTPs and INFJs can be compatible if they share common interests and have a mutual understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, it is important for both partners to be supportive and patient with each other.

Benefits of being in a relationship between INFJs and ISTPs

The INFJ-ISTP relationship is one that is often envied by others. It seems like these two personality types have it all - they are both intelligent, creative, and deeply introspective. They also tend to be very good at communicating with each other, and they are both highly independent individuals.

There are many benefits of being in an INFJ-ISTP relationship. One of the biggest benefits is that these two types are often able to help each other grow and develop in ways that they might not be able to do on their own.

Another benefit of this relationship is that it can help both partners to better understand themselves and their own personality types. This can be a very valuable tool for both partners as they strive to grow and develop their own individual identities. Together, the INFJ and ISTP can help each other to reach new levels of self-awareness and personal growth.

Finally, the INFJ-ISTP relationship is one that is likely to be very supportive and stable. Both partners are usually very committed to their relationship, and they are often able to work together to overcome any challenges that come. This relationship tends to be very supportive and stable. Both partners are usually very loyal and committed to each other, and they are often able to weather the storms of life together. This can be a great source of strength for both partners.

Struggles of being in a relationship between INFJs and ISTPs

One of the biggest struggles for an INFJ-ISTP relationship is communication. Both types are introverted and prefer to retreat into their own minds, which can make it difficult to connect on a deeper level. Additionally, ISTPs are highly independent and value their freedom, while INFJs crave intimacy and connection. This can lead to conflict if the INFJ feels smothered or the ISTP feels restricted.

It is important for both partners to be patient and understanding with each other. The INFJ needs to learn to give their partner space, and the ISTP needs to learn to express their feelings and needs more openly. If both partners are willing to work on their communication, the relationship can be very rewarding.

The INFJ-ISTP relationship can also struggle with finances. ISTPs are spontaneous and like to live in the moment, while INFJs are more long-term thinkers who like to plan and budget. This can cause tension if the ISTP is always spending money on impulse and the INFJ is trying to save.

It is important for both partners to be mindful of each other's financial needs and goals. The ISTP should try to rein in their spending, and the INFJ should be willing to splurge on occasion. If both partners are able to compromise, the relationship can be very harmonious.

Working together between ISTPs and INFJs

INFJs and ISTPs can be a great working combination because they bring different strengths to the table. ISTPs are often good at solving problems quickly and efficiently, while INFJs excel at coming up with creative solutions. Both types are also typically good at communicating and working well together.

One potential challenge for this pairing is that INFJs may become bogged down in details and lose sight of the big picture, while ISTPs may have difficulty seeing the potential implications of their actions. It's essential for both types to be mindful of this and to try to see things from the other person's perspective.

In general, INFJs and ISTPs can complement each other well and can create a strong, effective team. Each type brings different skills and strengths to the table, and they can often learn from each other. If they can keep communication open and try to see things from each other's perspective, they should be able to work well together.

Friendships between INFJs and ISTPs

Friendships between ISTPs and INFJs can be strong and supportive, as both types are often able to offer understanding and patience to each other.

Additionally, these two types can bond over their shared love of adventure and new experiences.

However, it is important for both ISTPs and INFJs to make an effort to communicate openly with each other, as misunderstandings can easily occur between these two types due to the difference in their dominant and inferior functions.

Why ISTPs like INFJ?

Some ISTPs may be drawn to INFJs because they are compassionate and caring individuals who are often able to see the best in people. Additionally, INFJs can be good listeners and offer nonjudgmental understanding, which can be appealing to ISTPs.

Final Thoughts from Boo

We wish Alana and David a wonderful relationship and future together. Alana touches more on their story in her new book, “Being Brave: From Trauma to Joy".

If you’re in a relationship and would like to share your love story, send us an email at hello@boo.dating. If you’re single, you can download Boo for free and embark now on your own love journey.

Curious about other love stories? You can check out these interviews as well! ENTJ - INFP Love Story // ISFJ - INFP Love Story // ENFP - INFJ Love Story // INFP - ISFP Love Story // ESFJ - ESFJ Love Story // ENFJ - INFP Love Story // ENFJ - ENTJ Love Story // ENTP - INFJ Love Story // ENFJ - ISTJ Love Story